Monthly Pub World Gathering

Connect with men from around the globe

Join us, whatever your time zone, every third Saturday of each month in lively discussions.

We pick topics suggested by our members that reflect issues of importance that we need to be talking about. It’s an opportunity to

  • hear and be heard, 
  • to have your say and to learn from other men,
  • to share your perspective on what is important to you, 
  • to have an opportunity to see several sides of an issue. 

Here's an opportunity, through greater understanding, to broaden your perspective on the topic(s) being discussed and stimulate new ideas for you to consider.

The event topics are posted in the featured section of our Facebook page a week before each meeting.

Please feel free to share this with any man in your life who would benefit by participating. All men are welcome.

It’s drop-in, but please register below to help us plan for the gathering.

There is no cost to participate, but you are welcome to make a donation.

What we'll be talking about in the 18th May meeting

The role of community in our lives


This two-part discussion will explore our community connections on both local and global levels

Local

Do you find a sense of community in your local neighborhood? What does ‘community’ mean to you and how could your local community be improved? Do you belong to club, society, or charity, where meaningful interactions and mutual support enrich your daily life? Are you actively contributing to local initiatives and events to give back to the community you are a part of?

Global

As a member of the global community, what concerns you and how do you feel about issues such as war, immigration, authoritarianism, sustainability, the environment etc? Are these issues being addressed and problems mitigated in a satisfactory way. Are you participating in initiatives and/or raising awareness to promote a healthier future for all?

When: Third Saturday of the month, every month

10:30 - 11:30 AM PST (Pacific Time)
13:30 - 14:30 PM ET (US Eastern Time)
18:30 - 19:30 PM GMT (UK Time)
19:30 - 20:30 PM CET (Western Europe Time)
Convert to your timezone here

How long: 60 Minutes


Participation FREE or by donation

Click here to see how your donations are used.

Your principal host:

Paul McCarthy

Victoria, Canada

Paul has had 25 years leading and participating in men's group and teams - MKP/Stirling/Legacy Discovery participant and leader.

Not a member yet?

Brief, personal meeting summaries by the meeting host

A note on confidentiality regarding these meeting summaries: These are the personal thoughts and experiences of the host of the meeting. Other attendees' names or comments are not shared here, but attendees may choose to make their own comments in the comments section below.

17th February Meeting: Narcissistic manboy leaders supported by fake news

The main topic of discussion was focused on how men are handling the issue of manboy leaders running our countries and jeopardizing our democracies.

A list was displayed with multiple names, including MLK, JFK, Biden, Reagan, Trump, Musk, Trudeau, Jobs. I inquired which two men should not be on this list. My answer was Trudeau and Biden. The others on the list have or had a dream, whereas Biden and Trudeau, at best, have a plan. People gravitate toward leaders who share their dreams, not those with a plan. MLK's dream of equality resonated with people, not his specific dream but their collective dream. Dreams evoke an emotional response, not necessarily a rational one. When discussing a dreamer who is a leader, the conversation often circles back to the dream, triggering a limbic response. People are more inclined to support leaders based on why they do something, not what they do. Simon Sinek's TED talk "Starting with Why" delves into the success of ideas rooted in purpose. The danger lies in a leader who presents as immature, a manboy, yet has a dream that resonates with people.

We discussed fake news, where men get their news, and how confirmation bias affects how we process what we see and hear across the media we consume. We also talked about men changing long-held opinions and the judgments we make to reinforce our opinions. Are you a critical thinker?

Fake news supports the fantasy, while real news is dismissed as unimportant or irrelevant.  Protect me from criminals and immigrants, give me a job, or protect my job and lower my taxes and in so doing “Make America Great Again”.

It’s easy for mis-statements to look as if they are true. I heard Niki Hailey compare the failing mental acuity of Biden and Trump to a “face it - when you get old your memory starts to fail” (a précis on my part of her actual statement).  Yes, conditions such as dementia are more common in older individuals. However, memory loss is not a natural aspect of getting older. Therefore, the statement is incorrect. Nevertheless, the harm has already been caused.

I have adopted a more critical thinking approach as I have gotten older. I used to have judgments about First Nations people always being the victims, constantly looking for handouts, and then wasting the money they receive. However, with the Residential School Issue coming to light, my opinion has shifted to one of greater understanding of the challenges they face, and I am more open-minded to hearing their side of the story.

We also discussed the impact that so-called manboy leaders have on our thoughts and emotions.

I realize that I need to spend less time consuming traditional media and focus more on streaming and podcasts for distraction during the day.

16th March Meeting: navigating the changing role of men in the 21st century

We had a nice turnout at today’s meeting with men from three countries represented.
 
The topic was one that was dear to my heart as I am having real issues defining myself and indeed feeling adequate as a man as a husband living with a “liberated” woman. I shared my story with the men – my navigation story.
 
I’m 66 years old. I grew up in a 'traditional home'. My father was the provider - my mother managed the house. I never made my bed, did any laundry, cooked any meals, or cleaned anything. The clothes I dropped on the floor were mysteriously cleaned, folded, and put back in the drawer.
 
Skip ahead, past one failed marriage on to my second marriage. Let me first of all say that I am married to the most awesome woman.

Truth be told it’s not the protector/provider role that I was good at throughout my life, which was something she needed or cared about. Although, she did one tell me to 'man up' to get the 1000 pound buck out of the backyard (lol). She is a self-made, successful woman. What she needs is a partner to share in the housework, which is 70% her 30% me. She feels she is taking an unfair amount of this responsibility. Our relationship has drifted, due to the tasks that I am not doing and that I need to care about, and so has our connection. I saw a funny meme that sums it up: 'a woman will never argue with a man who is vacuuming'.
 
Of course, there is much more to the story. There is much that I do that I won’t get into and that she is not involved with, around managing the home. Let’s just say, I need to make some changes concerning housework, or deal with some major consequences.
 
We covered a lot of ground today. We talked about the challenges of retirement, losing a job and the sense of purpose that goes with it, as men find purpose and value in the “doing”. For many, our job is our purpose. The shifting roles and the need to chart a new course as men for this century was talked about. A new man for a new age, taking ownership in defining what our new role has to be. An excellent comment was made that women have been really good about carving out their role, and we as men need to do the same. Men spoke about how they were incorporating the traditional 'feminine' roles into their relationships. On the whole, the men present were doing well as new age men (with me being the exception). There were some great analogies presented; one specifically around a forest. In order for anything to grow, everything must die, in a sense a rebirth. (I hope I captured this successfully).
 
As is so often the case, the agenda was too big for the allotted time. There is much more to discuss as this is a big topic. We really didn’t discuss what we have gained and what have we lost. I’ll leave that for any man reading this to add a comment to this summary or to write a blog to move the conversation forward.
 
Anyone who reads this recap this is welcome to comment and share about how the changing role of men has affected you personally.  Let’s keep this conversation going!!
 
To all men, please feel free to suggest an event topic in the comments below – and if you haven’t yet, please join the pub and participate in one of our 5 weekly drop-in Pubs.

20th April Meeting: man's search for meaning

What do you care about and what are you doing about it?

Have you found your meaning?

I addressed  what I care about in two areas; my relationship with my spouse and my work in developing the Whysmen Virtual Pub.

Regarding my most important personal relationship, my relationship with my wife, I have been struggling with my focus and being present. I tend to fall into patterns that take me into slacking  at keeping up my fair share of responsibilities around the house and garden. The pattern has come to a "must change" scenario, and I am changing - for good this time!! The sad truth is that all my work now is around fostering connection, and yet my most important connection has been under duress. I wonder if you, the reader, feel the same way? Do you take folks for granted as you pursue other endeavours that you deem more important, neglecting the ones closest to you?

Well, the Pub serves my meaning as a community outreach. I live to give, and the Pub is my way of giving myself fully into bringing men from around the world in face-to-face conversations that matter, like the one being commented on here. I feel there is such a need to create places where men can meet, connect, and form global friendships .

From the men gathered, there were quite a few broad opinions around purpose and meaning  as some of the men in attendance had done men's weekends that stressed the importance of living a life of purpose as being central to their experience at these events. 

There were comments around ideas that meaning and purpose change as you age as you enter different stages of life. Several men have been working on meaning and purpose, and were struggling with it. 

There was some discussion that around every one there are circles with different meanings as you move outward from family, friends, community, country, and world that have different meaning and different levels of engagement 

There was discussion around the lack of purpose represented by governments; erosion of truth; education systems that teach math but not social skills; learning being evaluated by a series of tests, for what purpose? What does it mean to society as a whole for our future?  

Coming out of the discussion, the glimmer of a new idea to actually engage men in discussion of the book The power of Purpose - Crafting a life that matters by Emily Esfani Smith.  We are working on a novel approach to "Bookcrossing"  that will engage our entire community in a discussion on meaning, purpose, and crafting a life that matters.  Stay tuned for details on this exciting, new event!

Cheers

Paul

  • It was so nice to be among a group of men who were openly and honestly sharing their journey in a world of changing roles (and rules). Thank you for inviting me to the pub hour.

    Dave, I’d be interested in the title of the two books you mention.

    Paul, thank you

    • Hi Jonathan. Thank you again for participating. We are hopeful that men drop in and we create connections as we share our life experiences. Unless the man shares the response to your question here, it is unlikely you will get a response. If he does read this, he may share , otherwise you may have to ask him in person. Most men’s groups run via agreements and I don’t have an agreement to email men directly at this point in time. This is a new venture, and a work in progress. Please feel free to join one of the 5 weekly sharing circles. You can join any one, and can attend when you want to. Thanks again for taking the time to post your comment.

  • Paul, I enjoyed the zoom meeting & garnered some new perspectives on topics of personal interest to me. I found it helpful to hear from other men on the frustrations they feel, why they feel them, and how they are dealing with them. I am not alone and am supported knowing that others share my frustrations and find positive ways through them; it is encouraging and motivating; keep up the good work!

    • Hi Bill, thank you for participating and your kind words!! I felt that it was an interesting meeting where we all shared in great conversations . I felt that everyone spoke openly and honestly on the topic. Please pass on any future event emails to any man you would feel would benefit from joining our monthly global event. I hope you decide to join the pub so that you can receive our event emails directly. We also have weekly small drop in confidential sharing circles available to pub members, and if you are available in the mornings on Monday or Tuesday the groups are Europe based ( boy do they have different perspectives!!). Cheers

  • {"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}
    >