Where can I begin my Wysemen Pub story? I guess the best place is the beginning.
My story actually started from a sad place. I had just been dropped by my girlfriend — who, funny enough, is now my wife. One of the things she told me during that time was to seek advice from older, more mature men.
So that’s exactly what I did.
I poured my heart out in a Facebook men’s group, and the response was incredible. So many men offered encouragement and wisdom. One of them(Paul) told me about a place called the Wysemen Pub — a space where men gather to talk about life and support each other.
I checked the website, found a meeting time, and showed up on Zoom ready to join. As it turns out, I had the time wrong. But there was Paul — like a man in shining armour — still there on the call. He stayed and listened as I opened up about what I was going through. From that day on, I was hooked on the Pub.
To me, the Pub is a safe place where men can speak freely. Advice is only given if someone asks for it. Most of the time, men just want to be heard — and the men in the Pub understand that.
We don’t always agree, but we listen. And the experience and wisdom in that room is powerful.
We don’t grow alone. We grow in community. The Wysemen community is a brotherhood of men from all over the world, each bringing their own perspectives and life experiences.
That’s why I keep showing up — sometimes to vent, sometimes just to listen.
And to my Wednesday Pub men… you already know:
Life is like a blender. Sometimes you just have to get the blender!
Marlon C.
New York, USA
I have been a member of the Pub for a year. I have met a number of men and have formed some wonderful friendships. I have needed support on many occasions and have always found it with the men in the Pub. I would encourage all men to give it a try
Doug B.
Toronto, Canada
For many decades, I have asked myself, what does it mean to be a man in today’s world?
Fortunately, I can explore my thoughts and feelings, and benefit from those of other men who are into self-reflection and sharing in an international men’s community called the Whysmen Virtual Pup, which meets on Zoom several times during a week.
The guys are authentic, and on my wavelength, the pub is a safe space to share deeply and be myself, and the practical topics we discuss about being a man are insightful and inspirational to me.
Larry R.
Sedona, USA
Hello Men. I co-founded the Whysmen Virtual Pub almost five years ago, modelled after a traditional Irish Pub, which, if you have ever been in one, is a community within a community, the local hangout where showing up and being there is all that matters.
I spent 25 years on men's teams and groups meeting men from my own backyard. With the advent of ‘Zoom Culture,” I had a dream of reaching out to men worldwide to create safe spaces to engage men worldwide in conversations that matter. A place where men could show up to feel a sense of belonging and to simply be who they are.
Well, it has been a successful adventure. Belonging here will bring into the lives of men across continents, meeting in small, confidential sharing circles.
A core belief of mine is that everyone matters, and that as men, we have very few places where we can truly show up in trusted, safe spaces and feel a genuine sense of belonging.
The Pub is open to all men, everywhere. Why not drop in and see what we are all about? There is a chair here waiting for you.
Paul M.
Victoria, Canada
I met Paul McCarthy years ago at a Zoom men’s meeting. At the time, we were both satisfied with the existing meetings. Some of them had men doing push-ups if they were late to the meeting. Others emphasized a “macho man” image pretty much to the exclusion of everything else.
It is hard to recall when it all started to come together, but I do recall the two of us beginning a Zoom men’s pub, waiting for other men to join in. And waiting. And waiting. It just didn’t happen until over what seems like years ago, it slowly started to build momentum. It got spread around by word of mouth, men doing searches and finding the one key thing that was needed…a Whysmen web page.
The men were finding something they all were looking for…a connection with other men, a real connection, not just the usual banter small talk. The key to being able to do so was a feeling of trust among the men present. It does not happen overnight, but it does happen as long as the men stick with it.
Actually, it can be whatever you want to make it. It can be the typical pub where you drop in when you feel like it, much like you would stop at a pub or bar after work to see who is there. Or it can be deeper and more lasting where you get to know the men on a deeper level.
No matter your nationality, place on the planet, race or age, all men have many of the same challenges…significant others, family responsibilities, health issues, getting older, job stresses, an endless list. Sometimes it is nice to hear “Yeah, I’ve been there too”. Not that advice is given (unless asked for), just hearing you are not alone in struggles has helped me a lot.
My current issue that will affect all men if you live long enough is an elevated PSA (prostate) reading, a possible indicator of prostate cancer. I have in the past shared my journey through kidney cancer, now at five years cancer-free. I do recall often sharing in a pub, “I get the results of the screening tomorrow”. It helps to have other men as a support.
It’s not a therapy group, not a problem solver. It is a pub, but not in the way you find a typical real-life pub. It is having other men present with you just to hear your story, whatever it is. Happy stories, sad stories. On some days the pubs are light-hearted. On other days, dealing with tough stuff like divorce, cancer, job loss, or just feeling lost.
There is no risk in trying. If it’s not for you, you don’t need to return. There is no commitment. I guess the one word that best fits it is that it is a fellowship, a sense of belonging.
I have connections with men thousands of miles away, I may never meet in person, but I know them as if they live next door.
Jeffery B.
Shaker HTS, USA